Emperor Palpatine has announced open elections for a new Emperor — and he’s nominated Darth Vader. You get to nominate one challenger.
I said what I said. Yes, I know he was Han Solo, and that I have crossed out of the Star Wars Universe into the Indiana Jones Universe, but 👏I 👏said 👏what👏 I 👏said👏
As a challenger to the creepy heavy breather, who looks like walking chicken skin with a hairdryer mouth, my candidate can do the following:
Math:
Here you see math
He has critical thinking skills:
Hmm…
He can outrun big boulders, unlike the nominee, who probably can’t outrun a piece of gravel, let’s be honest…
Indieeee!
I shouldn’t have to convince you – you either think he’s cool or you’re wrong. And if you like Darth Vader for this job, I can’t help you. There is no universe in which Darth Vader is a better ruler than Indiana Jones. None!
Can Darth Vader do this? Exactly.
Finally, I would like to wish a very happy early birthday to my birthday twin, Mr. Harrison Ford!
🎂👫🎉
May the force be with you all, but only if you vote for Indiana Jones!
What’s something you used to believe as a kid that seems ridiculous now?
It didn’t start with questioning the guy with the white beard . It was the tooth lady. Something wasn’t making sense. The math wasn’t mathing. At the age of six I started to have questions – which is also when my baby teeth started to fall out. I can’t remember why I started to question things, but it didn’t really make sense that there would be money under my pillow from a tiny being that would then take my teeth. What are you doing with my teeth, ma’am?!
So it just clicked one day. I received confirmation from the parental unit about my suspicions. But then my brain immediately rapid fired into questions about the bunny and the man with the beard. I asked for confirmation that these individuals were also not of the reality realm. I received confirmation. 😑
In that moment, as a six-year-old, I had cracked the code. I might as well have had a full-time job working 80 hours a week carrying a briefcase and a 30 year mortgage because I had it all figured out. The world had lost its shine.
But it really hadn’t. Because the teeth would weirdly keep getting stolen and now the cash payment could just happen in the open. Like a drug deal maybe. (But where are my teeth???) And the bunny would still bring candy, but the bunny had a different name, a human one. And the guy with the beard still had plenty of jobs at the malls, but after the disclosure, the presents would arrive a day earlier, via a different method of transportation. So that worked out well.
Long after the disclosure of the bearded guy, there was a man from a place I used to work who would dress up as the bearded guy every holiday season and ride through my neighborhood on a fire truck. Parents would give the bearded guy gifts in advance and he would come to every door and give the little children their gifts. He would drive by our house every year and we would wave from the door. Since we knew this bearded guy, it was quite exciting. He stopped doing it and we missed that. And in fact, I hadn’t worked at this place since college so I hadn’t seen the bearded guy, who was at the time a young guy with dark hair and a dark beard, but dressing up as the guy with the white beard.
Yesterday, I was in my backyard, and my neighbor told me her godfather was helping her with her shed. I looked at this helper, and I saw a man with striking white hair and a beard and the way he walked was quite familiar. So I asked my neighbor if her godfather was the guy with the beard from the fire truck and she said yes. It’s been years, but his transformation is complete: he is now the white bearded man from the firetruck! We chatted for a long while, and it was good to see him again. I should have mentioned to him his old gig as the white bearded guy on the fire truck, but I didn’t. I forgot. I really think he’s missing out on an opportunity now, though. He wouldn’t even have to really dress up. Just that red suit thing and the belt.
What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?
Even when it’s difficult, even when others don’t do the same, try to remain kind, because we don’t know what others are going through. And if we had the choice, we would want to be treated with kindness. It is challenging to try to keep kindness in your back pocket each day, because it seems we are met with so much cruelty and things that are unkind as soon as we leave the house. But if you look for it, kindness is out there, and sometimes it needs a starting point to gain momentum or to turn a grumpy person in the grocery store to a laughing one. It’s not easy to do this. It requires discipline and practice. Sometimes kindness does not work. There will always be those people who will not budge into a softer version of themselves. That’s OK, but do please leave those people in the dust.
Look for the ones who reciprocate the kindness – they will understand why you carry it with you.
It seems to me that around this time of year, mosquito venom becomes 25,000 times more concentrated and illicits a bump immediately. They also become super aggressive and bite (stab – let’s call what it is, it’s a stabbing from a tiny insect’s probiscus) in quick succession.
Yesterday I was assaulted multiple times by one mosquito. You could see the trail of one bite to the next. The first bite was very large, but then by the last one, which was approximately fifteen bites later, the bite was very small. That’s because the mosquito had a full belly. Meanwhile, I looked like I had measles. I made way for the calamine lotion and applied diligently. I think I used a quarter of the bottle.
I understand thesebugs must have a purpose – like maybe they taste good to bats? – but mosquitoes do not need to bite me when there are many other animals outside who would be just as suitable. I’m not into rolling the dice and seeing if I get a mosquito-borne illness. But these mosquitoes do not care. I think they sense your fear and your dislike of them.
But I’m curious: are they really useful? They’re not adorable like lightning bugs or ladybugs, they are teeny, tiny vampires. And why does their venom become so concentrated at the end of the summer? I’m curious about that.
If you know what creatures feast on these little hypodermic needle-nosed bugs, and/or if you know why the venom becomes so concentrated toward the end of summer, please drop a comment.
Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you have a mosquito-free day!
What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?
Do you know why? Because I can’t remember what it even was. It may have been my bowl of cereal yesterday. A box of cereal will set you back about twelve dollars these days.
Have a great day, everyone. Eat as healthy as you can within budget, but please remember to have a cookie or two sometimes.
I just answered a similar prompt, although it was asking to describe yourself to someone who couldn’t see you. My response was I smell like vanilla. Maybe it’s true, maybe it isn’t. But someone who can’t see me already knows what I smell like. People who can’t see have heightened other senses.
I wonder if WordPress simply forgot to add on the rest of the question to this prompt and it was published again. I’m just saying…it wouldn’t surprise me.
Honestly, I wouldn’t describe myself to anyone. Isn’t that a weird thing to do? Is this a job interview? I can’t think of a single other situation in life where describing yourself is asked.
I have never been asked to describe myself while filling the tank with gas, for example.
“Ten dollars on pump four, please,” I say as I pass the bill across the counter.
The clerk takes my money, then thoughtfully asks, “How would you describe yourself?”
“Currently?”
The clerk nods a gentle encouragement.
“I would describe myself as a little bit weirded out, impatient – because I’m waiting for you to hit the button so I can fill my gas tank, and I’m contemplating running out of here because this is stupidly awkward.”
“It's Amy,” I said. 