If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?
I’m hijacking this prompt today to share a story. Facebook reminded me of. It happened in 2018.
The strangest, most amusing thing just happened. The police just knocked on my door, talking about my neighbor across the street who is reporting A THEFT OF A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER AND TWO TOWELS. Now, we knew about this lunacy prior – her husband asked us the other day if we saw anybody at the house because A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER AND TWO TOWELS were missing. We have been joking about it ever since (“Mom, omg, hide the toilet paper from view – and don’t hang the towels out to dry!!!”).
We do not live in a Walmart. Her house has not been burglarized. These items are not missing. She may be slightly…paranoid.
So, I’m standing on my porch in my tank top and shorts, while holding my toothbrush, proceeding to tell the EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE 12 YEAR OLD POLICE OFFICER about the situation and was like “Dude, nobody stole those things. We saw nothing. I mean, seriously? TP and two towels? Dude.” And he was like “I know, right? But we got the call, and this is my duty…”
And then he asked me for my full name, birth date, address, and phone number, which I found to be slightly off-putting (and I completely forgot my last name because DAMN HE CUTE, which made my mom howl with laughter when I told her this). I sure hope the toilet paper and bath towel bandit is caught 🙄, and yes, I do expect a birthday card next month, Officer Cutie.
“It's Amy,” I said. 