Share five things you’re good at.

Most importantly, I excel at bumping into inanimate objects and asking for forgiveness for my transgressions from said objects. The objects usually accept my apology, but not before inflicting nasty bruises on one of my limbs. Do the objects ever apologize for this bodily harm? Nope.

I am great at singing – in a terrible voice – to my plants, who each have names and who bloom better when they’re spoken to. For example, Chris, Princess Peaches and Penelope are all in bloom right now. They are Christmas cacti. Of course, the blooming has nothing to do with the time of year, it is all due to my singing.

I’m well known for naming my cars and my house appliances. For example, my new refrigerator is named Elizabeth, and directly across from her is Mr. Darcy, the stove. Elizabeth stands there, tall and proud, minding her business. Mr. Darcy stares at her from across the room. He seems frustrated. Maybe that’s because he’s anchored to the wall.

I’m world-renowned for talking too much when I’m nervous, which often gets me into a pickle, which is unfortunate because I don’t like pickles.

Finally, you can ask any of my cat children and they’ll tell you: they each have 10 to 15 nicknames what I prattle off one after the other, whenever the feeling strikes, in that dulcet singing tone I possess.