Officer Cutie

June 6, 2024June 14, 2024 Amy20 Comments

If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?

I’m hijacking this prompt today to share a story. Facebook reminded me of. It happened in 2018.

The strangest, most amusing thing just happened. The police just knocked on my door, talking about my neighbor across the street who is reporting A THEFT OF A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER AND TWO TOWELS. Now, we knew about this lunacy prior – her husband asked us the other day if we saw anybody at the house because A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER AND TWO TOWELS were missing. We have been joking about it ever since (“Mom, omg, hide the toilet paper from view – and don’t hang the towels out to dry!!!”).

We do not live in a Walmart. Her house has not been burglarized. These items are not missing. She may be slightly…paranoid.

So, I’m standing on my porch in my tank top and shorts, while holding my toothbrush, proceeding to tell the EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE 12 YEAR OLD POLICE OFFICER about the situation and was like “Dude, nobody stole those things. We saw nothing. I mean, seriously? TP and two towels? Dude.” And he was like “I know, right? But we got the call, and this is my duty…”

And then he asked me for my full name, birth date, address, and phone number, which I found to be slightly off-putting (and I completely forgot my last name because DAMN HE CUTE, which made my mom howl with laughter when I told her this). I sure hope the toilet paper and bath towel bandit is caught 🙄, and yes, I do expect a birthday card next month, Officer Cutie.

daily prompt · Humor

I Made Stonehenge

May 27, 2024May 31, 2024 Amy14 Comments

Do you remember life before the internet?

Don’t ask me trifling questions, Day One.

daily prompt · Humor

The Prompt Writer

May 24, 2024June 9, 2024 Amy28 Comments

Who would you like to talk to soon?

Soon isn’t soon enough.

I’m gonna tell them

And

You’d better

Because this is Ludacris.

And

I mean NOBODY.

So, if

Try it, Prompt Writer.

daily prompt · Humor

You’re Looking At It

May 16, 2024May 19, 2024 Amy23 Comments

Daily writing prompt

What’s the oldest things you’re wearing today?

View all responses

Hi. It’s me. I’m the things.

I’ll never be this young again, but this is the oldest I’ve ever been. I don’t know how old my soul is, but it is greater than or equal to the age of my body.

I didn’t make the rules. I simply live in the skin bag with all of the accessories.

For anyone keeping up with the pink hair saga, I did go to the salon and attempted a temporary pink dye, but it did not take. Still blonde.

daily prompt · Humor

Getting Out Of Bed

May 13, 2024May 16, 2024 Amy33 Comments

What’s one small improvement you can make in your life?

Today’s the day.

daily prompt · Humor · Writing

SHOTS FIRED 🫵 DAY ONE

May 6, 2024May 6, 2024 Amy11 Comments

What’s a job you would like to do for just one day? “Move 🐩, get out the way.” – Ludacris Tell me… Have you ever been employed by a manager who …
SHOTS FIRED 🫵 DAY ONE

Check out Annie’s excellent prompt questions here 👆

And the nomination for new prompt writer goes to…

daily prompt · Humor

Waze, Usually

May 2, 2024May 5, 2024 Amy22 Comments

Daily writing prompt

What gives you direction in life?

View all responses

It’s a pretty decent app. Back in the day we had to use MapQuest, which was like being a modern pirate. Before that, there were maps, which was like being a regular pirate.

Have a great day, everyone!

animals · birds · Nature · Short story

As The Crow Flies

April 28, 2024May 3, 2024 Amy81 Comments

To go as the crow flies is to take the most direct route somewhere. Going as the crow flies is the shortest path between two points.

This expression has to do with traveling—in a very specific way. If you travel as the crow flies, you've gone somewhere as quickly and directly as possible. A shortcut is a good way to go as the crow flies. A direct airplane flight with no transfers is another way to go as the crow flies. When you think of this term, imagine a bird flying in a straight line from point A to point B.

I moved to the state I live in now when I was just turning seven. For reasons, Mom and I were graciously taken in by family members who lived one state away from our previous home. It wasn’t terribly far, but to a six-year-old, an hour-long car ride seems like a great distance to travel.

From there, Mom and I moved across a two-lane highway – which is now a four-lane highway – to an apartment complex. We lived there for seven years.

Mom found her final home in a neighborhood she admired for years and would drive through on her way to pick me up from my friend’s house.

I just realized the other day, that if you plot all three of these points of residence on a map, the triangle is very small. In fact, I determined that the distance from Point A to Point B to Point C forms a very small triangle, with each arm of the triangle being about 300m. 300m translates to 0.186 miles.

Some people may think this is incredibly isolating and not very worldly, but it was entirely coincidental and not planned, as far as I know. And since I didn’t even realize it until a few days ago, I guess it could be a statement about how much I like my neighborhood and my surroundings.

You guys know Jerome, right? He’s my crow. Well, it’s more true to form to say that he is my nemesis. He is the crow that’s mad at me for eternity because I wouldn’t let him put his dirty bagels and french fries in the birdbath. He and his friends and family caw at me as I’m walking in the neighborhood. If I’m at the local pharmacy and strip mall, they’ll do it there, too. They somehow know when to show up. If I walk out of my house and Jerome starts cawing from somewhere far enough away that I can’t see him, but close enough that I can hear him, I know I’m in for quite a mouthful. Other people have crows bring them money and shiny objects. Jerome has given me intergenerational hatred. I would prefer money or shiny objects, at the very least.

This is not Jerome. But Jerome would do this: join a gang of crows and become violent against ravens and also me, most likely

“I hear you, Jerome! Good morning to you, too!” I say loudly. I’m sure my neighbors think I’m crazy, but that crow and I have beef. I wonder how old Jerome is, and how long he’s been watching me. Maybe his great-grandfather, grandfather and father saw me at Points A and B. Point C is Jerome’s territory now, as the crows fly.