architecture · art · conservation · finding the muse · history · Old homes · Photography · prose · Writing

The Doctor’s Mansion

Recently, Facebook reminded me of a post I made in 2014. I copied that post and saved the accompanying photo I captured out of the window of my car, and planned on publishing what I wrote and the photograph as a sort of stroll down memory lane. But I realized I didn’t have much of a memory lane to scroll down, so that led me to the Internet. With what I remembered of the house, I did a search and found a Facebook account (credit to Facebook account Abandoned Steve, and photos will be credited to their owners) and a YouTube channel featuring abandoned mansions and properties in Pennsylvania (again, all credit to Abandoned Steve). I found the house which I had always called “My House,” because as a small child, barely able to see above the door and out of the window, and down the long driveway to the terra-cotta roof tiles, I always wanted to live there. And by live there, I mean I wanted to purchase the house when I was a grown-up. My mom told me stories of “The Doctor’s Mansion,” and I had all but forgotten most of the details, which weren’t very many to begin with. I found out today it was called Bella Vista by the surgeon who owned it and helped build it. Yes, a surgeon at a local hospital was also the general contractor on the project. Can you imagine how that went? More on him later. He was quite something, in a good way.

I am still going to post my original Facebook memory about this house, but I am going to post the beginnings of the house before I post the end. I sadly still don’t have too much information, but I am still doing research and if I come up empty-handed, I’ll employ my writer’s mind to add details. Do stay tuned for this post, but please be patient as I still have to do research on the house, and my new job training continues to be my number one priority. And also my number one vehicle to exhaustion.

When that Facebook memory popped up, a small spark that had temporarily been snuffed out by new work obligations, training and an exhausted mind and body, to be quite frank, was lit again. My muse this time is a small child’s long-ago memory that I can bring back to life. I am old enough, my creative mind now developed enough to put the awe I felt into words. I can now hear the parties held at the mansion: live music, clinking glasses and uproarious laughter amid extended family and friends on sixteen acres of a beautiful view.

poetry · Writing

Red

I picked my red dress to wear today

Not sure why

It felt like a red day

Found that red heart necklace

Clasped it ‘round my neck

Stood back and smiled

Put a red bracelet on my wrist

Might as well complete the style

Thought twice about that poem

About answering that prompt

Because what if even just a little breath

Is enough to cause its death?

The red of the notification

Finally arrived

I wondered what had happened to time

I clicked on the app

Called Snap

Saw a red heart next to your face

Smiled and thought I’ve moved up a place

But the words that I read

After seeing so much red

Were not words I expected

I sent you a chat

I heard nothing back

I realized then

When I breathed it life

This delicate thing

Would not breathe again

It’s not cool that I said all that

It’s not chill that it’s in my head

It’s dead

Isn’t it?

Isn’t it?

💔

Red, Taylor Swift

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly
Loving him is like trying to change your mind
Once you’re already flying through the free fall
Like the colors in autumn, so bright, just before they lose it all

Losing him was blue, like I’d never known
Missing him was dark gray, all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know
Somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Loving him was red

Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted
Was right there in front of you
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words
To your old favorite song
Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword
And realizing there’s no right answer
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out
That love could be that strong

Losing him was blue, like I’d never known
Missing him was dark gray, all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know
Somebody you never met
But loving him was red
Oh, red
Burning red

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes
Tell myself it’s time now gotta let go
But moving on from him is impossible
When I still see it all in my head
In burning red
Burning, it was red

Oh, losing him was blue, like I’d never known
Missing him was dark gray, all alone
Forgetting him was like trying to know
Somebody you never met
‘Cause loving him was red
Yeah, yeah, red
Burning red

And that’s why he’s spinning ’round in my head
Comes back to me, burning red
Yeah, yeah
His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Taylor Swift

Red lyrics © Sony/atv Tree Publishing, Taylor Swift Music

Love · poems · Writing

I Dreamt of Him

A writer needs a muse, and I had a good one. Sometimes I think the inherent non-fictionality of life interrupts the ability to create fiction – at least for me. Life can be overwhelming, amazing, tragic, sacred, wholly unexpected. I feel life’s events deeply and I always have. So I have looked to my old writings for inspiration, and perhaps to remind myself that there was a time when I created things worth reading, that other people enjoyed reading, that I was someone who created ideas, found peace in words, and hope in imagination.

I found one poem in particular that is not fiction, coincidentally, but about a dream I had several years ago. The poem still resonates with me, and I want to share it here. I am a thinker, a dreamer, a moody sarcastic reluctant romantic. I am a writer. I am me. I can be no other.

* * *

Last night I dreamt of him

He was the house I longed to get to

in the middle of shallow, red clay-tinged, gently rippling water

Gray and tan smooth pebbles and jagged tiny stones surrounding it

Standing solidly on a shallow pier that I couldn’t reach

He was the brown shingled home

with a simple frame and construction

cozy and inviting

but surrounded by that shallow clay-colored water on all sides

I circled like an agitated, frightened puppy

whimpering to myself

Standing

alone

exposed

frustrated

bewildered

on some solid ground I could not see

Placing my bare, dirty, cold wet feet on the hard rocks and pebbles

but jerking them back just as quickly

when the rocks shifted

Afraid to step forward but determined not to step away altogether

I got no closer

Fear rose up inside of me as I circled the house

I longed for someone to help me

but the house was empty

As I fought the wave of frustration and panic

a wooden walkway appeared

It was not there before

A simple walkway that led to the front door

and bypassed the rocks and water

I quietly exclaimed relief and pulled my feet from the rocks one last time

I made my way on the walkway

cautiously but quickly

I kept my focus on the wood planks beneath my feet

I saw that there was one simple step up to the door from my walkway

I kept my eye on that step

When I reached that step

my downcast, anxious eyes

stared at my dirty, cold feet

Just as I was about to step up

an open-palmed hand

attached to an outstretched arm

appeared before me

I raised my head

reached for the hand

forgetting my fear

and the dream was over

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