daily prompt · Humor · Short story

Officer Cutie

Amy

If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?

I’m hijacking this prompt today to share a story. Facebook reminded me of. It happened in 2018.

The strangest, most amusing thing just happened. The police just knocked on my door, talking about my neighbor across the street who is reporting A THEFT OF A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER AND TWO TOWELS. Now, we knew about this lunacy prior – her husband asked us the other day if we saw anybody at the house because A ROLL OF TOILET PAPER AND TWO TOWELS were missing. We have been joking about it ever since (“Mom, omg, hide the toilet paper from view – and don’t hang the towels out to dry!!!”).

We do not live in a Walmart. Her house has not been burglarized. These items are not missing. She may be slightly…paranoid.

So, I’m standing on my porch in my tank top and shorts, while holding my toothbrush, proceeding to tell the EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE 12 YEAR OLD POLICE OFFICER about the situation and was like “Dude, nobody stole those things. We saw nothing. I mean, seriously? TP and two towels? Dude.” And he was like “I know, right? But we got the call, and this is my duty…”

And then he asked me for my full name, birth date, address, and phone number, which I found to be slightly off-putting (and I completely forgot my last name because DAMN HE CUTE, which made my mom howl with laughter when I told her this). I sure hope the toilet paper and bath towel bandit is caught 🙄, and yes, I do expect a birthday card next month, Officer Cutie.

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Published by Amy

I love words. And animals. Photography and fedoras. Welcome. And stay awhile.

20 thoughts on “Officer Cutie”

    1. Aww, thanks, Kymber! This one popped up on Facebook and the first thing I thought to do was share it here. I really have to try to come back to writing, but it’s been such a roller coaster. I will update about that when I can, but right now I’m in the middle of the roller coaster. I’m so glad I could make you laugh. 😊

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    1. Lol! This woman had had contractors working in her house and I think she suspected of stealing her toilet paper and her hand towels. The whole thing was hilarious.

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    1. I’m glad you got a laugh out of it. I definitely could not keep a straight face. I was in shock that she called the police about missing toilet paper and a towel. That’s not even worth $20. 😆

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      1. Yeah, I would have been stunned first hearing it. Just to make sure I heard right. But then I soon crack up laughing. I probably would have even gone as far as saying, ok, any minute now a camera will come out and I find you’re having a joke. 😄

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  5. Must be related to my coworker who, on his first day, called his previous job for his box of kleenex. Alas, we didn’t get a cute cop!
    BUT, at the same job, I watched my objectively cute female coworker put on her biker leathers and magically transform to a badass on her Harley. It was SEXY and I went lesbian for a second.

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      1. He was SUPER strange! A lot had to do with a psycho wife. Once we cracked his uptight cheap-ass shell, we learned he used to be way into metal rock… hard to process on someone who looked like he stepped out of the American Gothic painting!

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