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Discernment

Amy

What do you think gets better with age?

The ability to judge what is worth pondering or taking on. The insight and intuition to decide that something isn’t for you. The capability to decide that if something isn’t for you, you can leave it and go on about your day.

The wisdom to own your own shit and know that other peoples’ shit is not yours to own. To not give a fuck if people don’t like that you curse.

To determine it’s perfectly acceptable to water your plants wearing your bathrobe and your slippers. To go out in a very nice outfit, but not wear a stitch of makeup on your face. (This is closely related to wearing a bathrobe to water your plants.) Also, with age comes the knowledge and the understanding that what people see on the outside is not who you are on the inside. And who you are on the inside is much more important than what you look like.

My birthday is tomorrow. One more trip around the sun. Susie passed away in my lap this past Monday, and my best friend’s mother died about five hours later. It has been a difficult week, and I have scaled it alone, save for several good souls. And I have made it through. With age comes inner strength you didn’t know you had.

With age comes discernment. With age comes the knowledge that grief is love. You learn people can only ever treat you the way they feel about themselves. Sometimes you can do everything possible, but if you are misunderstood by others, it won’t make a difference. And you have to just let that shit go.

I have learned pets are a gift from above. Animals do not offer conditional love, theirs is only unconditional. They love simply because that’s what they do. For people who don’t know the love of a pet, or specifically a cat, I’m sorry. Your life has not been enriched in the way that mine has. Tiny humans grow up and they begin to place conditions on their love. It’s what the world does to us. But a pet never does. A 17-year-old cat still loves unconditionally, the same as when they were a tiny baby. My birthday wish is that humans may strive to be less conditional with their love, and be more like “animals.”

In honor of Susie, Happy Caturday, friends. 

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Published by Amy

I love words. And animals. Photography and fedoras. Welcome. And stay awhile.

18 thoughts on “Discernment”

  4. This is one of those posts where I don’t quite know how to comment, bittersweet comes to mind. I’ll start by saying that I’m sorry for your loss. Your post was deep, and seeing grief as love is profound. I never thought about it that way, but it makes perfect sense. We grieve those who were close to us, and love was definitely central to that relationship. I want to end by saying happy birthday, Amy. I wish you the best and a happy, long life.

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    1. Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Edward. I appreciate that. It’s definitely been a challenging time, but I have been privileged to be able to have these little creatures in my home and love them. The most difficult part is that it’s an end of an era. Susie’s mother died in 2016, followed by her brother in 2019, then my mom in 2020 and then Susie’s brother in 2021.

      The price we pay for living is dying, so we’d better live well. The price we pay for loving is losing, but really, love is never lost. We don’t die, we change energy forms, and love can never die. It’s eternal.

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  5. I’m so sorry for the loss of Susie! You’ve had a rough time of it lately Amy! And sorry that you had to deal with so much on your own! Our animals are important members of our families! Their loss is real as is the pain of loss! I wish that this next year blesses you and treats you kindly! ❤️

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