Category: Humor

Brown tabby cat lying in cat bed in the sun, looking toward camera with mouth partly open. The Acquisition of Cats
cats · daily prompt · Humor · Writing

The Acquisition of Cats

Amy5 Comments

Name the most expensive personal item you’ve ever purchased (not your home or car).

There is not one, and they are not bought. How one acquires cats is this: one shows up, and hours to months to years later, another one shows up. This repeats until you have between two and four or more cats at any given time.

Cats are not items. But cats require the purchase of many items such as food they will not eat and treats they selectively eat (if you get the wrong ones, they won’t eat them either). Cat toys are bought in the hundreds, only to be left alone in favor of scraps of paper that fall off of various items: shoelaces, plastic bottle caps, and various other waste materials. Expensive cat beds are left untouched in favor of tissue paper from discarded gift boxes, warm towels inadvertently left on a surface, and your own pants left carelessly on the chair.

The litter. The litter is so expensive that it often means going without at least two items of food for yourself per week to allow its purchase. And you must purchase it – it is not only irresponsible to let your cats outside, it is dangerous for the cats. There are a number of diseases they can pick up from other cats and other animals that live outside. Cats can become badly injured in cat fights and by human cars. But let’s get back to the litter: it’s not just the cost of the litter, it’s also the human labor that goes into maintaining the litter box. My current cat will not use clumping litter, so the human staff (me) must scoop the poop every day. It is one of my more glamorous roles in the household.

Other animals require similar amounts of expense, care and investment of time, but what other animal besides the cat expects these tasks to be performed without question? And yet, it is all worth it in the end, when the cat slow blinks at you and rubs their cheeks and tails against you in a sign of ownership and affection. They are telling you that they appreciate what you do for them, that they accept you no matter what you look like, or who you are, or what you’ve done in the past. (They are also telling you that you are not permitted to stop doing any of these things. Ever.)

The acquisition of cats is materially expensive, yes, but the unconditional love that is received from the feline in exchange is more than enough currency to pay for the acquisition of a cat.

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cats · daily prompt · Humor

Cats in Ancient Egypt

Amy1 Comment

What historical event fascinates you the most?

Who domesticated who? Who was the Egyptian who decided cats were to be revered? Why did everyone else agree?

Not that this person was wrong, because I am a proud cat mother, but how did this happen? There are cat memes (a.k.a. hieroglyphics) all over the Egyptian tombs. And while we’re at it, how were the pyramids made? What’s the deal with the Sphinx?

In summary, Ancient Egypt fascinates me. it’s not an event so much as it’s a time period.

PS – my cat doesn’t want me asking why or how. She says to just accept it. I tell her that I have. There is no one else in my home who lives rent free, has no job, and for whom I scoop a litter box. I think the Ancient Egyptians would understand what I’m talking about.

daily prompt · Humor

Sweaters on Candles

Amy4 Comments

What does it mean to be a kid at heart?

You know, the battery powered candles people put in the windows during the winter season? They get cold, too.

Buy tiny, Christmas tree ornament sweaters and pop them over the candles’ heads (note: not to be done with real candles!). Top their plastic flame heads with a fashionable, blue- or red-colored whipped cream cap.

Obviously, before any of this seasonal adornment, you’ll have placed the googly eyes on the candles. You’ll have set them up in pairs or trios, so that the eyes watch each other. (The candles no longer live in the windows. They live in random locations throughout the house.)

You giggle when they catch your eye, and you wake up in the morning making sure they’re in the same spot as when you went to bed. And if they should by chance have moved a millimeter, you will giggle again, knowing the candles must have attended a birthday party while you were sleeping.

Candle Sans Cap
cats · daily prompt · Humor

Finger Knives and Whiskers

Amy11 Comments

Describe a family member.

But enough about me.

Susie is a brown tabby with a big belly. She’s sassy, demanding, affectionate, and she loves yogurt. She’s got short little legs, but she’s super fast. She is fifteen and a half. She looks and acts about eight. Her favorite toys are pieces of scrap paper, despite the hundreds of cat toys collected over the years for her, her two brothers and her mother, who have all passed on. Only Susie remains. She is attentive and loving. She is my best girl and my favorite boss. I am fairly certain I am her favorite employee.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to tend to Her Majesty’s litter box.

Susie, HRH
daily prompt · Humor

Proprietor: Books and Fabric

Amy1 Comment

What alternative career paths have you considered or are interested in?

You know, as in the little indy bookstores with nooks and crannies where you can sit and enjoy reading, or idly look out the paned windows onto a narrow lane that is a dead end. The scent of books fills the air. There are cats here and there, and they come to you for affection if they desire. There is coffee and tea, which adds a layer of olfactory pleasure on top of the scent of the books. There are desserts. On the other end of the bookstore is a fabric shop, with fabrics ranging in all colors, textures and styles. These too have a pleasant scent, like new clothes on school picture day.

In between the two shops is a neutral zone called “Bookric” – not to be confused with “Rickroll” (and no, I’m never gonna run around and dessert you [gotcha!]) – where one must leave one’s coffee, tea, desserts and rogue cats. Sticky fingers will be assessed. Cat hair shall be lint rolled – again, not to be confused with— ok, ok…

daily prompt · Humor

Here’s the Thing

Amy2 Comments

What food would you say is your specialty?

I don’t particularly like to cook, nor like to bake. And to be fair, I don’t have much time to do either one. But when I do undertake the savory or the sweet meal preparation, people tell me they like it. I don’t know if these people are lying to me, but the sheer numbers of seemingly pleased patrons point to the their honesty.

I have two specialties. No, three. Basil pesto on angel hair pasta, starting with freshly picked basil, and continuing on using all fresh ingredients. My second specialty is pasta e fagiole (“pasta fazool” – IYKYK) made from scratch. It takes hours but it’s worth it. It’s an old recipe from a first generation Italian- American.

My third specialty is dark chocolate brownies from the box. Many – if not all – of you might think that that’s not a specialty at all, but I disagree. To obtain the precise interior level of fudgey-ness and crispiness around the edges, without having the middle being underdone, is quite a feet and a feast indeed.

Oh, and please don’t tell me not to lick the batter bowl. I’m going to do it every time.

daily prompt · Humor

You Go First, WordPress

Amy3 Comments

What major historical events do you remember?

No? Ok. I remember fossils becoming fossils, the creation of fire, dinosaurs roaming freely, how George Washington’s teeth were made, the beginning of the computer age, landline phones, and yes, sometimes even what happened yesterday.

Thankfully, I went to school and learned these things. Most of them I didn’t live (excepting what happened yesterday). WordPress, you sure know how to make a girl feel young.