Emperor Palpatine has announced open elections for a new Emperor — and he’s nominated Darth Vader. You get to nominate one challenger.

I said what I said. Yes, I know he was Han Solo, and that I have crossed out of the Star Wars Universe into the Indiana Jones Universe, but 👏I 👏said 👏what👏 I 👏said👏

As a challenger to the creepy heavy breather, who looks like walking chicken skin with a hairdryer mouth, my candidate can do the following:

Math:

He has critical thinking skills:

He can outrun big boulders, unlike the nominee, who probably can’t outrun a piece of gravel, let’s be honest…

I shouldn’t have to convince you – you either think he’s cool or you’re wrong. And if you like Darth Vader for this job, I can’t help you. There is no universe in which Darth Vader is a better ruler than Indiana Jones. None!

Finally, I would like to wish a very happy early birthday to my birthday twin, Mr. Harrison Ford!

May the force be with you all, but only if you vote for Indiana Jones!