Tag: Humor

I’ve Named The Rental Car
cars · Humor

I’ve Named The Rental Car

Amy53 Comments

I dropped off Koko at the body shop this morning. I waited for the Enterprise guy to come pick me up. He shows up in a long, black coat and ushers me out to a waiting Buick Enclave. He opens the rear passenger door and I very ungraciously get into the luxury vehicle. I feel like paparazzi are going to appear from behind the various cars in the lot waiting to be repaired. (I will not discuss how far away I had to park from the building, and I hope that Koko is safe out there.)

So I’m sitting like a child in a large chair in the back of the Buick, sliding around on the leather seats on the turns and the guy tells me that they have reserved an Audi Q3 for me.

If I hadn’t already been sitting down, I would have fallen down. I have a Honda. I’ve only had mid-range cars. Ever. Even rentals that I’ve had before have been Toyotas or something similar. My first thought was this rental is going to cost me a fortune. My second thought was this rental is going to cost me a fortune.

When we got back to Enterprise, and I saw the car, well…

I filled out the appropriate paperwork, etc. and we did the standard walk around the vehicle. Then the guy told me to get in the car – and that’s when technology hit me in the face. It took me 10 minutes to figure out how to adjust the side mirror. It took another five to figure out how to turn on the radio and adjust the volume. I realized I was driving one of “those cars” that the engine turns off when it is stopped. It is very annoying to hear on other cars, and it is still annoying when you’re driving one. It sounds like the transmission is about to fall out, which is never a good sound to me. I don’t know how it saves money on gas, either, but whatever.

As I neared home, I didn’t really want to stop driving the Audi. I was thinking of names for her while I have her for two weeks. I backed into my driveway per usual, and though it was not my best effort, it’s OK – there are six cameras on the thing to let you know where you’ve gone wrong. I got out, walked around her and decided what her name is.

Her name is Katerina.

Katerina
Anyone Name Their Cars?
Humor · Uncategorized · Writing

Anyone Name Their Cars?

Amy58 Comments

I’m finally taking my car to the body shop to get her bumper replaced Tuesday. She’ll be in there for at least two weeks. I was wondering what kind of tank they’re going to give me at the car rental place, and I was thinking about my car’s name. She was given this name on the day. I drove her off the lot. It didn’t come to me immediately, I had to study her and drive her to know that she is a refined vehicle that sits high and proud and has a smooth ride that purrs. Her name is Victoria and her nickname is Koko. Yes, she has a nickname. I only use her full name when she is driving sluggishly and I need her to get the lead out (ha!).

Some of you might think I’m strange, but yes, I routinely name my cars. My car before this one was a black Mazda2, and her name was Buttercup. She was a spitfire. She liked to race sport cars, and win. She liked to take turns real tight, almost obnoxiously so. She was afraid of no one. She wasn’t named after the weed known as buttercup, she was named after the toughest Power Puff Girl. I still miss that car.

My naming of cars goes back to my mother who started the habit. She named her first car Happy. She had many cars over the years, and I can remember a few of their names.

The raspberry red Dodge something-or-other was named Bob, i.e. Bucket of Bolts. Bob didn’t have a long life with Mom. He was a lemon, despite his beautiful raspberry color. Her Toyota Echo was named Sassy, and her final car, a Toyota Corolla, was named Darwin.

Does anyone else name their cars? If you do, let me know their names in the comments!

Gumball Machine Ring
Humor · poetry · Writing

Gumball Machine Ring

Amy37 Comments

I’m sure you don’t remember

That day when I saw you at the grocery store

It was three years ago

I had just seen you somewhere else

Sometimes I like to spend quarters

At the gumball machines

(High stakes finance these days)

I was trying to get a real gemstone ring

(They’re real to me)

But I kept ending up with plastic

Claddagh

Puffy hearts

A slug (?)

And initial rings that looked like candy

I was concentrating

Crouched in front of the gumball machine

Turning the silver knob

Hoping for the gemstone

Just like when I was a kid

And I got a real mood ring

Anyway

I heard

“Two times in one day?“

I knew your voice instantly

I turned my head to look at you

Standing there with a grin

As you blocked the egress

And old ladies tutted you

You were oblivious

Your cart filled with toilet paper

“I’m busy getting a gemstone

And you’re blocking traffic“

I couldn’t help but smile

My tone fake stern

The people behind you were forming a 15 person queue

You left and I went back to spinning the silver dial

Kind of like Russian Roulette with quarters

Anyway

The next spin got me a puffy plastic blue initial ring that looked like candy

It was your initial

I had no more quarters

I went to my car and loaded it up

I saw your car still there in the parking lot

A thought popped into my head

I giggled and grabbed the ring

I ran to your car

You were surprised

Out of breath

I said

“Here, this is for you

It’s a real gemstone”

You were perplexed, but took it

I turned to run back to my car

Smiling

You yelled after me

“Hey, does this mean we’re engaged?”

I turned around

Far away now

“Yeah!” I yell-laughed

I giggled all the way back to my car

Maybe we should get married

At the playground?

©️2024, itsamyisaid.com, all rights reserved

Sleep
daily prompt · Humor

Sleep

Amy64 Comments
Daily writing prompt
What do you wish you could do more every day?
View all responses

Sleep has eluded me for several months now. I think it’s avoiding me. Are we on a break? Is Sleep cheating on me? Now that I think of it, I’m awake in the middle of the night – where is Sleep? Not with me. Not in the hallway, Not even in the house. Very suspicious indeed…

Just one?
daily prompt · Humor

Just one?

Amy23 Comments

What is one word that describes you?

I don’t know if I can answer this prompt with one word. I’ve been told I’m a lot of things: quirky, eccentric, dynamic, hilarious, moody, feisty, sassy, a hot mess, frustrating, incomprehensible, silly, kind (this is my favorite one), grumpy, mouthy, talk back-y, really weird, stubborn, headstrong, indefatigable (not always true), tenacious, ridiculous, goofy.

I couldn’t do it in just one word. I knew I wouldn’t be able to.

Ha! No.
daily prompt · Humor

Ha! No.

Amy14 Comments
Daily writing prompt
Are you superstitious?
View all responses

The irony would be too much.

It’s bordering on absurd.

Tell me, how would a black-cat-having, left-handed person born on Friday the 13th (who walks under ladders and opens umbrellas in the house) accomplish being superstitious?

I am a walking superstition.

Witchy Woman, Eagles (lyrics below)

Witchy Woman

Song by Eagles

Raven hair and ruby lips
Sparks fly from her fingertips
Echoed voices in the night
She’s a restless spirit on an endless flight

Woo-hoo, witchy woman
See how high she flies
Woo-hoo, witchy woman
She got the moon in her eye

She held me spellbound in the night (woo-ooh)
Dancing shadows and firelight
Crazy laughter in another room (woo-ooh)
And she drove herself to madness with a silver spoon

Woo-hoo, witchy woman
See how high she flies
Woo-hoo, witchy woman
She got the moon in her eye

Ah, oh, ah-ah (aah-ah)
Ah, oh, ah-ah (aah-ah)
Ah, oh, ah-ah
Ah, oh, ah-ah (aah-ah)
Ah, oh, ah-ah (aah-ah)
Ah, oh, ah-ah

Well, I know you want a lover, let me tell you, brother
She’s been sleeping in the Devil’s bed
And there’s some rumors going ’round, someone’s underground
She can rock you in the nighttime ’til your skin turns red

Woo-hoo, witchy woman
See how high she flies
Woo-hoo, witchy woman
She got the moon in her eye

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Bernie Leadon / Donald Hugh Henley

Witchy Woman lyrics © Cass County Music, Likely Story Music Co